Injury scare for Sachin Tendulkar

Satire on recent news headline

CAPE TOWN : Oh my god!!!! The world No. 1 cricket team, team India suffered a major injury scare as the legendry,  greatest cricket player of the world of all time Sachin Tendulkar  fractionally escaped unhurt  after he was hit on the helmet by a rising delivery from fast bowler uncapped Umesh Yadav during pre-series training at coach Gary Kristen's academy, jako rakhe saiyan maar sake na koi, chak de! Sachin

How dare a youngster who has not even played a single test match can bowl a short pitch raising delivery to the legendry Sachin, didn't the coach told him that we Indian batsmen are shit scared of short pitch raising delivery, youngster are suppose to bowl only over pitch bowl outside the off stump or on the leg stump, if at all he likes to bowl short bowl he should bowl outside the off stump and should not raise above waist. Look at him he is from Vidharba only one player ever played for India from Vidharba was C. K. Naidu in whole of Indian cricket history and legendry Sachin is from Mumbai which has produced hundreds of players for the nation, we should send Umesh Yadav back immediately in the next flight to India and BCCI should not select any player from Vidharba for next 50 years, click here for online petition.

A secrete email to our office from South Africa said that Gary Kristen was seen in a club with an agent of South African bookie, that's why he asked Sachin to play on an underprepared pitch which got uneven bounce, there was a betting on Sachin that he will not be playing the first test match between South Africa and India on Dec. 16th 2010
Our expert has specially researched for our readers that Sachin's helmet is a custom built helmet very  different from others, the company which manufactures is SGM, they say that main body of the helmet is prepared with fiber carbon and 30% of titanium that's why it gets that strength helmet can sustain a bouncer with a speed of 300+ kmph, more than twice the speed of Shoaib Akhtar's fastest delivery.  Cost of the helmet is 35,000 $

We spoke to Sadanand Tichkuley who is the watchman of Sachin's house about this incident, he said that before every foreign tour Sachin goes to Siddhi Vinayak temple and prays Ganpati Bappa has saved him from the injury, we cross checked with the pujari Gaitonde of Siddhi Vinayak temple, he confirmed that Sachin had came to do pooja before he left to South Africa

We spoke to our cricket expert Saba Karim, how Sachin could have avoided the bouncer, Saba Karim pointed that the ball had pitched outside the off and short and was coming on to middle stump at shoulder height, what Sachin could have done is kept the bat down and slightly bend back with eyes on the ball, ball would have passed to wicket keeper in front of his face, else if he wanted to play the shot he should have gone on back foot and shuffle on to off stump and hooked the bouncer with rolling his wrist, this ball would have gone to four on square leg boundary, instead he removed the eyes from the ball and tried to duck that's why it hit his helmet, South African bowlers will be watching this, they now know the weakness of Sachin they will be bowling similar delivery in the test and Sachin may end up giving catch to wicket keeper, slip quadrant or short leg, but we know Sachin is a great fighter he will come back with the counter attack and hopes that this time around he completes his 50th century.

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(C) Ramesh Iyer

Urf Professor

Yes that's the movie's name which I watched a week back, it's a 2001 movie Sharman Joshi and Antra Mali are the lead but not really but can say only recognized face, this one is one of those 'C' Grade movies, which has very poor production values some really corny scenes and dialogues and about the story lines, anyone remember those Ryze days one of us would start a story and next person would take a cue and write the next line and then the next person would put another line and goes on like that for 150 odd line, this story of this is also on the similar lines.

http://www.ryze.com/posttopic.php?topicid=795232&confid=2955

I find it bit funny but somewhere down they lost it, agenda of the story was not to have any agenda, it starts with

A couple is about to start their wedding life, the husband says lets confess about our past life so that we will have no guilt and start our new life so he confess about his ex two relationship and ask his wife to do so.

she says she did not loved anyone but had physical relationship with many.

Husband decides to put an end to his wife's life he hires professor to kill his wife

Professor by mistake kills some other woman

Wife comes to know about this plot and she hires another killer to kill her husband

The other killer is professors colleague

They kills the husband and takes the money from wife and kills the wife which husband already paid

Professor has a habit of purchasing lottery tickets and rent sex books from library

Mistaken woman's husband gives money to some contract killer and ask them that they were suppose to kill her in parking lot why did they killed her in swimming pool

Raju is a small taxi thief, he steals taxis and repaint them and sell them along with his freind

Raju's friend ask him to take a big leap and steal BMW or Merc

Professor parks his Merc to make a call from PCO Raju steals his Merc

Raju is on his way to garage to repaint the Merc

He meets Maya on his way and gives her a lift

Maya thinks he is a big business man and he thinks she is a big fashion designer

Maya ask him to stop his car and hand over all his money, she is a crook

Raju is also no less than a crook, he is not a business man, he stole this Merc.

Suddenly they hear noise from the car's dickey

They find a bleeding man in the dickey and as soon as they open he dies

After seeing this Maya collapse

He takes Maya and the Merc to his friends garage

They move Maya out of the Merc and leaves the Merc at an isolated place

When Maya comes to conscious she says that her purse is left in the Merc

Raju and Maya goes back to the Merc

As Maya was about to take back her purse she see a big bag full of money on the back seat of car

They take the bag full of money and elope but again forget to take her purse

Professor finds his Merc and also see that the bag full of money is missing

Finds Maya's address from the purse

Professor reaches Maya's house, Maya and Raju ditches professor and takes all the money

Maya and Raju are on the way to Shirdi when Maya takes all the money and runs away while Raju is on sleep

Raju decides not to trust any women anymore and start to lead a simple life as a taxi driver

Professor is badly hurt, he is administered by a rookie doctor

Professor's boss's son is killed by rival gang, his face is completely damaged

Professor takes the body to a undertaker who is good at doing makeup to the dead body

Undertaker refuse to do the makeup as there is nothing left on his face

Professor bully him and says if don't correct his face as the photograph he will torture him to death

Undertaker finds a duplicate of the person on the photograph ask him to lie on the coffin for few hours until professor's boss comes

Professor comes and sees the duplicate's body and thinks that undertaker has done a good job, and thinks that it need to look real as there is no bullet mark on his forehead, pulls his pistol and shoots the duplicate on the forehead

Professor's boss wants the rival gang's leader dead

Before killing rival gang's leader professor by mistake puts his lottery ticket in the sexercise book and return it to the library

Librarian's boy friend is struggling actor

Librarian's  boyfriend comes to meet her in the library and see the sexercise book takes that to home

He see the lottery ticket in the book and reads the number and puts it back in the book

Next day morning he gets a call that he is offered a lead role in a video film

He goes to the shoot to find out that the video film is a blue film

He walks out of the shoot

Whilst walking down the street he see a lottery shop, to his shock that 2 crore jackpot lottery is the one which he saw yesterday inside the sexercise book

He finds out that the book is been returned to the library and finds that it's been taken by some Rose

He goes to Rose's house, Rose already comes to know that she has the winning lottery, he fights with Rose, Rose boyfriend comes in rescue and beats him red and blue

Professor goes to Librarian's house and ask her where is the winning lottery, she says it is with Rose and gives her the address

Professor goes to Rose's house and kills her and her boyfriend to get his lottery ticket

Librarian's boyfriend return to Rose's house and kills professor in the process of fight he swallows the lottery ticket

He wanted to take help from the rookie doctor to take that lottery ticket out, rookie doctor instead kills him and claims the ticket

Professor is dead

Undertaker is now alcoholic because of guilt as the duplicate died because of him

Librarian is sad and continue to work for library

Rookie doctor is now having a big hospital

Raju is standing in a taxi stand, Maya comes running and sits in his taxi and ask him to start

Raju says this time he won't help her

Police comes, on second thought he start his taxi and speeds up

Band Baaja Baaraat

Band Baaja Baaraat  (B3) is a feel good movie with wafer thin story line

Two people come together they decide not to fall in love, but they do fall in love then there is denial and finally acceptance

B3 takes shape from the first frame, first half is very nice and fast second half is more obvious that's why is not interesting

Both lead actors are good, Anushka is very beautiful, vibrant and talented and Ranveer Singh is very good seeing that this is his debut he has done pretty decent job, specially where ever casual scenes are there he was good, he was bit awkward with formal scenes. Photography is good as they had kept the colour palate very vibrant with yellows, oranges and bright reds, editing is very crisp and the music very good as Ainven Ainven is already a chart buster and choreography of both Ainven Ainven and the other stage song is brilliant, most of the characters were very real, B3 will not appeal the serious movie goers but if you are casual movie watcher it's a good weekend watch

my rating would be 3* out of 5*

PS. Both Anushka and Ranveer got a bright future

Kana thug

Kana thug (One eyed fraud)

It was Saturday evening at my office in Mumbai we, Vikas Me and Mangesh were about to close the office, we were running a Desk top publishing (DTP) office in Shivaji park Mumbai, just before we could close and move to our respective house, we saw a short man of maybe of 5 feet walks into our office, he had a typical structure very hard to forget, he was short 5 feet height, he had marks of chicken pox on his face and the most distinguish was he could see only from one eye, the other one was visibly damaged. He came in with an enquiry and said that he work for a multinational company and his company has came up with a tender to design and print their annual magazine, first he asked us to show him our previous work so that he could judge whether we are capable to take this job, after discussing about his company, his requirements and  our strength he finally said that tender document will cost 300 Rs., then he asked the money for it, we said that we will give him once we receive the tender documents, so he said let one of us accompany him to his office where he will give him the documents, I decided to go with him, he took me by walk all the way to his office, whilst walking we were chit chatting, I could judge that he was nothing but a fraud whose intention is to get this 300 Rs., finally we reached one building, where he asked me to handover him the money and he will go upstairs and get the tender document for me, as expected by me he never returned, I waited there for more than one hour.

Next day I narrated this incident to my partners and also informed our other friends who were running business in our vicinity and then business as usual.

After a month or so I got a call from one of my friend who was running a computer institute that one similar looking guy how I explained to them about the fraud is in their institute with an enquiry for a corporate training, they kept him waiting saying that their boss is outside so that I can come down and verify him if he is the same guy, they also informed my partner Vikas and a police friend of ours.  As soon as he saw me and Vikas and the police friends of ours, he immediately understood that he got caught red handed this time, when we asked him why he is doing these fraud, he started pleading and said that he was working as artist in a press, four years back he was sick because of chicken pox, during that time he lost one of his eyes also, after he recovered from chicken pox he was terminated from his job and he could not find any other job after that, to take care of his daily expenses he started doing these petty frauds, then Vikas asked him dose he got any certificate to prove his credentials he said yes then Vikas took 100 Rs. and gave him and told him, that he got two choice one go back to his house and get those certificate and come back and we will give him job suitable to his talent else take this 100 Rs. run away from here and never show up in this vicinity he will not be lucky next time and will be behind bars.

I was there in Mumbai for three years after that, he never showed up neither in the office nor in the vicinity.

(C) Ramesh Iyer